Give me all of you

The world works in mysterious ways. How a girl listening to a song can sync so beautifully with a scene she sees before her is absurd.

Yet, today, I was that girl. Sat in the remembrance garden once again on a suny Sunday eating orange segments and dribbling them down my pure white blouse. 

One of my favourite songs at the moment is "All of Me" by John Legend. The lyrics are so heart-warming. It's an absolutely beautiful song. 

There were 2 people crashed out in the sun on a park bench outside Marks and Spencer. Their dog joined them and slept silently at their feet. I couldn't quite work out if they might be homeless. The man, dressed in a thick coat, holding the lead of his staffie in one hand, was in the direct burn of the sun. His companion, a girl equally dressed (her coat being red) lay sprawled over his knee, half hanging off the bench. 

The man woke up as John Legend kicked in on my iPod. This man stroked his wife as John sung: "Give your all to me. I'll give my all to you."

Suddenly, in this perfect, inhuman harmony the song slotted perfectly into the scene. 

Maybe those 2 were homeless but they had a love that radiated out regardless. A love for one another that was perfect for John Legend's music video. It just shows that no matter what you've got, no matter what you haven't, no one is incapable of love. 

The Sun Has Got His Hat On!

The sun is shining, the weather is mild and my flowers are out!

I like a bargain as much as the next tight person and (get your purses ready) when I saw the £1 mini daffodil deal in Marks and Spencer, I just had to get them!

One thing I absolutely LOVE is growing things on my windowsill. Not mould or dust but plants and flowers. My windowsill at uni is no exception. It's actually been the place where I've been able to harvest my dream of having an inside allotment when I grow up. It's been home to some little crocuses, a basil plant and now my 'Tete a Tete' daffodils.

With each new addition, I get better at looking after the plants. I always over water them or leave them for days neglected. I push them against the window so that they wilt with the condensation from my hot shower. But, my daffodils are the best ones yet!

I've got 3 that have already flowered and 2 coming through. I don't know why but I find it so exciting! And if I'm this excited over some little flowers, what will I be like when I have kids?!

It's on the house!

It was stock take day; one of the worst days for obvious reasons. Pulling tags out and printing labels was not anyone's idea of perfection at 7 o'clock on a Sunday evening. Not was getting up at 5:30am to actually check the stock.

But having spent the night before pulling out tags for checking, I strolled in at 9am aware that I didn't have it that bad. 

For me, it wasn't a bad day. It was quiet but I wasn't feeling the stress everyone else had. I didn't really have anything that could dampen my mood. I had spent the night before at one of my best friend's houses and had the prospect of my dad coming to see me soon on my mind. Things were great; what is it matter to me that I had to do a few extra hours. It was a sacrifice I took lightly. 

But what made it even better was my lunch break. I love surprises. Those unexpected things that pick you up. So after eating lunch out on the church wall, I went inside and found the Hairy Bikers doing a book signing.

This day was looking brilliant!! I was on such a high for some expected reason and the sight of two jolly men at the entrance of the store just made me up! I couldn't believe my luck. I was so tempted to queue up, but I knew I didn't have enough time. So instead I strolled around the store, pretending that I wasn't like one of the other customers sneaking pictures of them from behind bookshelf. 

I watched them. Took them in. I knew that I had a camera stuffed in my bag back at work but I wasn't about to run and get it. Instead, I watched everyone else stand behind and have photos taken, hand over their books and help themselves to a free goody at the front of the desk.

Seeing celebrities is just great. Especially when you realise how human they are. I turned endlesslessy, trying to watch them from other angles and listened to them shouting as fans walked past;

"Don't forget your free sauce."

"I like the chilli one." 

"Yeah the chilli's the best."

I remember one of the first book signings I ever went to. It was such a big thing growing up. Buying books and having them signed.

Book week was my favourite thing EVER! They would set up these metal cases in the school hall filled with books and you'd go with your £1 off voucher and scour the shelves for one that took your fancy - normally the one with the best cover!

It was a miracle that I never really attached with actual people. I saw Tracy Beaker as a real person and when I stood in front of Jacqueline Wilson, I didn't quite understand that she was a figment of this lady's head. I knew that Tracy Beaker was made up, but seeing Jacqueline Wilson and confronting reality didn't make her seem any more fictitious.

So it wasn't a bad day at all seeing the culmination of two of my favourite things; food and books. Two TVs chefs in a bookshop - PEEEEERRRFECT!!

The Remainder of Eden

It was such a shame that I had chosen the morning of the most beautiful day to snooze until 11. The sun was absolutely gorgeous. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the air, though not warm, still meant that you didn't have to bundle up in millions of layers and bind a scarf round your neck endless times.

This day happened also to be the day I'd reserved for completing all the weeks homework. It couldn't have been more ill-planned. Nevertheless, it was still perfect to combine some of my favourite things with some of my less favourite. 

I took my freshly prepared picnic and homework on my bike out to the common. It was absolutely BEAUTIFUL.

I'm a solitary person by nature anyway. It seems sad that sitting in the park on a bench on your own, pleases me. But it does and that's what I did.

I absolutely love days like this; when everyone comes out. People unite. Families walk together. One of the happiest sights I saw today was a father cycling on a purpose made 2 man bike with his wheelchair bound son at the front. A day out, doesn't get much better than that!

Picnic: chicken mayo sandwich, apple doughnut and mini trifle

Lovers in the corner :D

Catching up on some reading whilst I enjoy the sun!

Pinecone

 

Set up camp for watching the sun set!

Stop. Starve. Sexy.

Finding out that I had grown a dress size in the middle of fighting against a bout of compulsive eating definitely was unwelcome news.

Dieting has never appealed to me. I know my strengths, and they one hundred percent do not lie in resisting temptation. I find Lent on of the most difficult challenges and so having to give something up eternally does not appeal to me.

Nor does drinking a load of slimming shakes, counting points and recording them in a book or giving up my favourite foods.

Weight is such a humongous issue these days, particularly when we're growing up. Unlike our parents and those before them, we don;t have to walk or cycle to get where ever we need to go. Our daily entertainment doesn't come from a tennis racket and ball. It's, usually, within the comfort of our hands, living rooms or in front of eyes. And when our mums tell us to pop to the shop to get some milk, she might as well, far easily, make a few clicks and have a Tesco home-delivery man bring it to her instead.

There's little reason to exercise anymore. But there's every reason as before to eat what we like, when we like it; because we're human.

You can't browse anything without being notified of miracle cures for the flat tummy, ways to drop 5 stone in a week and how to get whiter teeth - because it's not just our weight. It's how we look.

But there are more reasons that I will still not diet than just because I physically can't.

I'm healthy. I almost eat my 5 a day. Everyday. I go for low fat over full and, I try my best, not to over-indulge.

But most importantly, eating is something I absolutely love! Food is such a big part of my life; cooking, planning menus, working out how flavours go together, recreating dishes I see in shops, sharing cake and tea in John Lewis. If I stopped eating everything I loved and began rationing, I would be losing around 40% of the enjoyment that I get out of life. I would be 40% less. And that's not a sacrifice I'm willing to take. And, to be honest, if food gives anyone as much happiness as it gives me; I don't think anyone else should feel like they have to sacrifice what they love either.

It's not all bad!

Pancake day on my own definitely wasn't the best shout.

I love pancakes; granted. And seeing a perfect consistency of pancake and little hazel coloured dimpling on the surface is one of the best thrills in cooking. But pancake day isn't pancake day without the family.

It's a day that, like Christmas, Easter and birthdays, is symbolic. Where everyone is together and there are systems in place for eating. No one can break those codes. Deciding who gets the first pancake. Figuring out how far the mixture will stretch and therefore how many topping variations you can have.

That's what I missed. I don't have it in my budget to buy multiple syrups: maple, pancake, golden syrup, nutella, strawberry sauce, whipped cream. I had to keep it simple, using a wok that still smelt of my last stir-fry instead of a frying pan (which I do not have).

Nevertheless, 6 pancakes to myself sprinkled with sugar, honey and Sainsbury's own 'hazelnut and chocolate' spread in front of Modern Family wasn't a bad call!

HAAAAAPPPPYYYY PANCAKE DAY!!! :D

It Girl

Being 'that person' gives you so much to live up to. Boots to fill. Being someone the generics of the role imply.

But there are exceptions. If someone tells you that you look like Michael Jackson, you don't have to produce a fantastic moonwalk, although it might help. And when someone tells you that you're the spitting image of your mother, you don't have to head to the 90s and pick up all the clothes she left behind in a previous life.

I, finally, got a job!

The hunt for it really was as treacherous and time-consuming as the word "hunt" implies. Suddenly I am that girl. And when someone asks me: 'Do you work here?' I can finally admit that 'yes, yes I do' then get over the pride and act as though I actually know what I'm talking about. 

I reckon I'm naturally shy - a molehill I try to scooch over every day. And so, whilst the prospect of having a job was an exciting one, I couldn't help (for some reason) being afraid of actually having to work. Don't get me wrong: it was by no means because I was lazy and was looking for a way for easy money. I want - on either account. Simply, I suddenly had something to do. 

Someone recently told me the meaning of the expression "FOMO" - Fear Of Missing Out. 

It had never occurred to me that I might be the epitome of this phrase. At least not openly. I knew that there were things that I wanted to do and didn't want to have to give up though. And pre-planned freedom was one of them. 

For the first few weeks of uni, I sat resolutely in my room not daring to be out past 6 if it had anything to do with uni. School finished at 3 - 3:30 at the latest - so adding an extra 2:30 learning hours to my day was a push. I wasn't used to having my quiet time sacrificed. And weekends I reserved strictly for myself. 

I wasn't a social creature by any measure of the word. I seldom went out and barely engaged in an form of conversation that wasn't absolutely necessary or didnt merit my input. I was more than content to eat my lunch and state at the ceiling fixtures or something equally as interesting. 

But as the months progressed through uni, I slipped out later into the night. I decided that chilling out time could include other people rather than just myself and that books would have to wait until I was alone, like on the train. Eventually, though it took a while; I was comfortable surrendering a little bit of myself to the wider world. 

When I started looking through job ads at first, I half prayed that I wouldn't be successful just to keep what I knew. But when, in February, I got my first and only interview, I was happy (more than) to have something to do. And as I travel back home on this Sunday evening, I feel far from having lost anything at all. It's all gain. Everything I have myself for today was in the interest of taking advantage of opportunity. So I can keep myself and what I love and add little things every time!!