Chocolate Finger Children

Lined in symmetry, like those chocolate Cadbury fingers you get, rigid, unmoving and sometimes - dependent on the weather - glued to the black carton of the package. There are those perfect, slender bodies which have made it to the present in perfection, regardless of the mishaps of trade and travel. Then there are others; obliterated in transit, many of which now lay dormant in a muddle of their own crumbs which greedy saliva dipped fingers haven't yet picked up.

Hungry? It's a nice image, isn't it. A consumer habit of desire for anything sweet, mouth-watering and hole-filling. And, when they're on offer, these things are even better. 2 for £1 tastes so much nicer than 1 for £2 . 74 . But, now what if I told you that this image is a depiction of Syria. Those white chocolate fingers are not cute biscuits at all. Not the boxed, sugar coated confectionery delights which you've most probably already made a mental note to put on the shopping list. These are children; the children of Syria. And they're dead among others who they don't even know. Not their parents, not their families. Just people. Other children. Other victims. They are dead. And there are more dying everyday.

It's hard to put your finger on the exact sentiments. It's not everyday that you think to ask yourself; how would poisonous gas feel if it was corroding my insides? How would it feel to go to sleep with the blasts of guns you didn't even know existed? The shredding of houses of people you knew and the houses of those, you didn't? How would it feel to know that that was all 'ok'?

People say you can't imagine it. But, you can. You can't know it. You can't, unless you've experienced it, know how it feels. But you can try to imagine. The sooner people put themselves in the positions of others, instead of dismissing tragedy through the it's-not-happening-to-me syndrome by faining disbelief and parading how you couldn't even dare think about what it would be like, the sooner we would get humanitarian responses. I'm sorry if this comes across heavy. But I think we need to take those pensive moments.

So now think to yourself. You can do it. Imagine being on the wrong side of the Syria. What is the wrong side? Imagine being a mother or a father, in modern Syria. I did;

She Can Only Do It With The Sirens

  I watch her stumble. Fat feet, too flimsy to hold up all that body. Or, maybe, just too weak. She can't go to sleep. Not until she hears the blasts. I spent half of that first year of her little life, shielding her ears. When she cried, I thought she couldn't take it. The war; it's too scary, even for me. I sat quaking. Half waiting for the room to collapse, for next door to disintegrate.  The rest of me was already willing to die. But I couldn't do it myself. Only being killed made dying seem less cowardly. 
  She cried; Laila did. She needed to sleep. Can't you just stop?! was closer to a lullaby than I've ever sung her. My baby needs rest! I do too! But it was one night, when the tension was particularly riotous, when men walked right by our room, when a little boy a couple of doors down shrilled and then just stopped, when the police struck and the whole ambulance unit was deployed; that was the night she slept right through. Her first night for seven months, properly asleep. And then I knew; she could only do it with the sirens. 
  And now, now she needs the rubble. Can't hold herself straight if she's not walking on the upturned street. Can't balance if there isn't a thick wire of plumbing in the middle of the road. Can't move if she's not walking towards a burnt out car. That's the only reason she's moving forward, when she should be doing the opposite. She should have her little fingers in mine and be letting me lead her backwards. But she's going forward. Further and further away from me.
  This is home for her. This dismal existence. And Laila; she can only do it with the sirens. 

'I wanna be famous!' - An insight

I made my television debut as a four year old on ITV Meridian in 1999. Catastrophically shy with a straight black bob and flyaway hair sloping in front of my eyes, this was my lasting image - the way I would be seen by thousands of home owners up and down Britain.

"Je m'appelle Lau-rhuh!" I said, into the camera, not much louder than a whisper. 

And that was it. The sound-bite. Shier than shy but what did it matter? I had said my piece and now I was famous. 

Isn't that what everybody wanted? At one point in time. To be famous. A glitzy film career. A job as a life-long singer. An actress.

I know that's what I had once wanted. When I heard the tale of my first 'interview' on TV at a French nursery, I wanted to do that forever. To be on TV. 

But what's that kind of fame when people are homeless? What purpose does a star on Hollywood boulevard serve when wars rip through innumerable countries? What use is seeing your name roll on the end credits of a film when there are children without enough to eat?

I know it's not our fault. Those thoughts and dreams are human nature. And it's not necessarily the majority of people. But how different would the world be if young people these days strove, with everything they owned to be aid workers, scientists or peace leaders? What importance would 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians' be then?

It's just a thought.

I've been writing this post for a couple of days. Every time I've sat down to add to it, my mind has been plagued with Syria. I usually sit in the evenings to write and it's precisely this time that Sky news is on in our house. I could turn it off, but, in a weird way, it seems like a betrayal. Like turning my back. 

So when I sit down, all that seems to radiate is the horror unfolding in the light of the chemical attacks. When I try to think of more things to say to embellish the blog post, anything I pen seems synical. Irrelevant. It seems so sad to me that I can be writing, blogging, publishing posts that have the ability to reach out to thousands of people across the web (across the world) and not even worry about anything else apart from how many people read these words and how that's made them feel. 

There's not much of a point to this post. There's no underlying value I want to share. Just a thought that's manifested over the days. What, however, I do hope is that, today, like me, this post makes you think. Because if that's what it does, then, to my unknown motive, it's done justice.