The Importance of Independence

Scottish Independence has been all over the news recently. Whether or not Scotland should remove itself from the Unions in Great Britain as we know it.

But the independence that I want to talk about today is one free of political intervention, protests and a public vote: our own independence. 

*

I thought that I was pretty much independent when I was going through college. I knew that through my life I hadn't had such freedom. Mum had always asked for invitations if I wanted to go to a party - I couldn't go just because someone had told me. There were curfews for sleepovers and I still relied on my parents to pick me up after school activities. 

At college, though I was ferried to and from sixth form on a bus that stopped right outside my house, I felt a bit more in control of myself. I kind of just got on with studying. I felt quite independent but I realised that there was still a little more way to go before I was a proper adult. 

It's funny because, having been at uni has made me realise that I'm more of a child than I ever thought. 

Independence was a bit of a shocker. I've never felt like I've wanted to break away from my family. I've never felt like I've wanted to be alone and do things strictly by myself. I felt independent enough and wasn't ready to metaphorically sever ties.

But going to uni scared me. It appears that too much independence definitely makes you find yourself. I felt alone. Every choice I made was up to me. When did I get up? It didn't matter because it wouldn't affect anyone but me. If I wanted to skip lectures, then who would be on my back? No one, really. If I wanted to eat pot noodle all day every day (and I didn't) then I was free to do so.

Those kinds of menial decisions, however, soon took care of themselves. I went to lectures as a matter of principle, got myself out of bed to make life easier and ate as healthily as I could.

But the real test of my independence was the extra things. The things that didn't have to be done every day. And this was where I became disappointed and frustrated with myself in a way that I never thought I could have.

University has a lot of opportunity - an overwhelming amount, in fact. As we entered the 'bunfight' where all the societies had stalls trying to entice us with 'Ultimate Frisbee', men in teeny tiny speedos and cakes, it was hard to make an informed decision. I saw people saying: "Aw! Yeah sure I'll come to the Quidditch club tryouts!" I wanted to do something cool, as well. I wanted to get myself into a spectacular society.

Moving to England, I had quite forgotten how unappealing being outside can become. When it's raining and cold and windy, home seems so much nicer. I missed most of the tryouts and taster sessions through laziness and reluctance of the cold. I went to a few, like trampolining and became quite interested in Amnesty International society for a while, but I saw people around me solidifying friendships in the clubs that they were joining. They had put themselves out there and now were doing things that they loved.

All my life I had dreamed about: "When I'm older, I'll ..." and now I was older and every dream I had was just waiting for me to say 'yes' and I said: 'Nah I can't be bothered!'

And as clubbing became the highlight of my weeks, I began to question what I was actually doing with my life. I knew that before I could even register it, the year would be over and I would be one step closer to working and one step further away from realising my dreams.

The last term of 1st year I hauled myself into everything I could. I went out with my friends for coffees and ice-cream, went to a few socials that the societies that I had joined were hosting and blogged. I explored Southampton, wrote articles for the newspaper and planned upcoming material, I tried out the free gym classes, went to an AGM and got a position on a committee and ... I had a phenomenal time! The last term of university was my best. I felt like I finally had control of  my life.

For me, my independence could have gone a number of ways. It could most definitely have had me plan to do everything but actually do nothing. I got quite frugal with my money in that first year, wanting to save it all up for nothing in particular. What that meant was that I wasn't actually spending any. In hindsight, it did come in useful because it has given me a head start on my rent for next year which I am very, very happy about, but at the time, it meant that I refused to go out and became, in a sense, greedy and centred around the numbers in my account.

Already, I can see that the mistakes and experiences of the first year have made me more ambitious and determined to do things. It has brought me out of my shell. I'm currently saving to put my money towards useful, practical and fun things: hopefully a 10-week course in German and a solo weekend in Spain. I'm also planning a few more trips around the country to concerts and to the 'Cake and Bake Show' in London which I am super excited about!!

So, in short, I am so so so so SO thankful for my independence, but not because it allowed me to 'run away' from anything or anyone but because it brought me closer to the person at the heart of the matter and gave me more resolve to act upon the opportunities that life has given me. I definitely hope that I manage to do far far more things this year than last and I have challenged myself to write a post at the end of April of 100 things I did between my 19th and 20th birthday! Look out for that one! 

The Gathering

I've always been a fan of the New Year only recently the reason has become more solidified.

When I was a kid, it was because we could stay up late. Because people would come round. Because we would go out to London. Because it was the final concluding BANG to Christmas. 

But now it means more. A global gathering of people; races, religions, families irrespective. Something so mundane: the turning of the clocks - something that happens every year. But somehow it manages to captivate. 

I often envy the celebrations in London. It was always so magical and the flash of the media was just so special. 

But this year, watching them from the Burj Khalifa; half a mile of explosives and fireworks on the ground, was awe-inspiring. The cheers that radiate trough the sky. The patriarchy of course. 

It was a record-breaking attempt this year with a 6 minute spectacle using over 500,000 fireworks. 

As I sat, watching the vibrant colours fill the sky, so much was going through my mind. 2014 - I couldn't believe it. 2013 a it went so fast. But most of all I was making myself a pact. 

As soon was possible, I said, I'd travel the main cities of the world to watch the fireworks there. I've done London. Now Dubai - 3 times in a row. Now to plan the rest of the trip: Singapore, Germany, Australia ....

I will! I will! (I won't...)

New year's resolutions - why even bother?

"I will get fit, I will eat less, I will buy that gym membership in the January and not in the October!"

When most of us make our resolutions it always has something to do with our bodies. Over-indulgence at Christmas. A soft rim of turkey fat pushing out of our jeans. Tastes mulled sweet and yearning for the next bank-breaking, calorie bursting sugar fest.

There's too much pressure. Why even bother?! 

The New Year is mean to make us feel good about ourselves. It's a way to encourage us to continue. Or at least that is what it has become. As humans of this race we are dependent on markers. Things to push us through and we think that by setting ourselves targets on January 1st will make all the difference when we can't even stick to the ones we set ourselves weekly.

New Year's is more of a tradition. To awe others with your resilience by giving up chocolate and visiting the gym 5 days a week. But by January 6th, or thereabouts, we're just ready to give up and pack it all in. To go back and adopt our old habits. If anything, rather than being a joyous occasion, we become conceited and self-concious. We pick out our faults that, had the 1st not arrived, we wouldn't have sought until an emotional break-down later on in the year.

So we could all save ourselves the agro and just not make those resolutions we can't stick to and take life by the horns. Let's offer ourselves the ability to change when things are actually going wrong, rather than just in case they do.

http://www.kensingtonhotel-llandudno.co.uk/default/cache/file/A168EA83-2732-4B9B-B9D62C5960F8752E.jpg