So Good!

How many times have you said that?

"AAAHHH! Sooooo Gooood!"

I say it all the time. If not aloud, in my head. It's the phrase that sums up a good meal, a drink when I'm thirsty, a chair when my feet are killing me. But, when I hear that phrase, doing something morally good and beneficial to all doesn't spring to mind.

We all have those down days. For whatever reason they creep up on us. We can be feeling fine one minute and the next seriously doubting our purpose in life and how we are meant to go on.

Bizarrely, I get this sensation more in Dubai than I do anywhere else. It's strange because that is where my family are and it's nothing to do with them but living in the sand pit can sometimes make you feel trapped. In 40 degree heat, there is no way that I'm going out and doing anything! 

But maybe that's just my problem. Perhaps I ought to be doing something!

Whatever the answer, I can't deny that keeping busy is the key to keeping my mind healthy - so long as I don't continually overwork. It makes those lazy days and moments when you can just relax with a film even more special.

I first noticed this just after summer started at Uni. Before, I had quite an aversion to filling up my days for fear of not having my 'me-time'. I craved the weekends where I could do nothing and I would work so so hard throughout the week so I would have absolutely nothing to do on Saturday or Sunday. But once I had less and less work, I began to get bored. I didn't know what to fill my days with. And when work stopped completely, at first it was a relief, and later seemed like an abyss where I could fall into nothingness forever.

I didn't know what to do with myself.

That was part of the reason why I wrote my '50 Things To Do This Summer' so I didn't feel like a failure whilst I had more time to think about being exactly that. I got myself a little 2 day placement at uni, plowed into writing things for my blog and tried my hardest to fill my days up to the top.

That makes me feel so much better!

But sometimes, there is nothing better than doing something for somebody else to make you feel better. It's such a cliche but I'll bet my bottom dirham (it sounded better than pound) that it's a good one! :D

So I've decided to list my favourite campaigns that I've come across this week:

1. Israel-Palestine Conflict
   http://www.amnesty.org.uk/issues/Israel-and-Palestine

The big thing this week has been the developments in the Israel-Palestine conflict and the amount of people, mainly children, killed in it. The Amnesty International UK campaign urges the government to stop sending ammunition to people fighting in the area. 

  This is a long and complicated war on so many levels but targeting it from so many different levels should, with every pray and hope and donation, bring an end to the violence and a civil resolution. For this reason, the SaveTheChildren campaign to stop children being harmed is also something that you must fill out - and is listed below. 

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    2.  Israel-Palestine Conflict (continued)
         http://www.savethechildren.org.uk/stop-killing-children-gaza-israel

SaveTheChildren campaign.

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    3.  WaterAid - clean water by 2030
         http://www.wateraid.org/uk/get-involved/campaigns (and click on 'Everyone Everywhere 2030')

I love this petition because it depends on the power of belief and, unfortunately, it doesn't have nearly enough signatures. When you click the link, WaterAid congratulates you for believing that everyone, everywhere can have clean water by 2030. Is it so unrealistic? I think that if you believe in something hard enough, anything can be achieved. But, even if you don't agree, wouldn't getting the UN to discuss clean water for everyone as a high priority make a difference?

WaterAid have already helped 19.2 million people access clean and safe sources of water and there is no reason why that number shouldn't increase! 

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So, this was a little different post for me but I've come to realise that there are quite a number of you who do come and read my blog on a regular basis and I feel that if we can do something good together, then that's worth my while to write and having you read! Thank you!!

Fly Me To Anywhere But The Moon!

There are very few things that you can want when you unofficially convert to the Buddhist way of life, but I still allowed my burning hunger to visit Borneo to gnaw at my imagination. There was never a place that I could remember being more desperate to go. It was always Borneo.

Last year, we planned to go to Borneo but the dates of travel among other things, meant that it didn't work out. Though I was desperate to go that year, I realised that I was still young enough to realise that dream in the future - you're never too old to grab something if you really really want it. But, I was lucky enough to go this year with my family!

There are very few experiences that can compare to a trip of a life time and I'll have a hard time matching anything to this!

Words fail me, on this occasion. It's hard to relive an experience through words when you're so far away and looking out at a vast expanse of sand in 45 degree heat. So, I've decided to compile a few of my favourite photos.

Borneo: Top Right: Sandakan, Bottom Left: 'The White House', Bottom Right: Mount Kinabalu

The rainforest just provides everything!

SOME OF THE BEST PHOTOS I'VE EVER TAKEN - THE ORANGUTANS!! :D

Mount Kinabalu 8km trek! I was so glad to reach the end! 

The relax in Lombok! 

Malaysia: 

Sums it up quite nicely! Ahaha

KL Tower

I love places like this (^) for the simple pleasure of how much they creep me out! 

Hindu place of worship

China Town Night Market

And this ... 

It's my sole favourite photo of the entire trip! It was worth every moment that I spent waiting and dreaming as a child, just to see an orangutan look me in the eye! :D 

Have Your Cake, And Eat It

Baking is one of my passions in life. Watching a pasty mixture turn golden brown and mellow is one of the most satisfying things. But when your passion adds more weight to your middle than your life, it was inevitable that I would go on a cake detox.

It, however, wasn't really by choice. When I moved to uni, I envisaged baking thousands of things to share with my flatmates. But, on seeing the size, and later, the state, of our kitchen, I decided otherwise and indulged on victoria sponges made by Marks and Spencer and cookies of volumes larger than the whole nation of America would consume.

When your kitchen looks as 'clean' as your desk on a daily basis, nothing is getting done!!

Writing, then, took over. I've always loved writing and it is passion equal to my love of baking. Baking and writing should strike quite a nice balance. When you don't write, bake. And when you don't bake, write. But I've found it that much harder to do than say it.

I'm tight. I can't deny it. I try to save my money in all areas I can, and so the last thing I want to be doing is spending my student loan on flour and sugar - although I wish I did. I've gotten better at spending (and I still manage to save!) so hopefully next year should see some more baking creations.

Writing takes alot of time, but I've decided to dedicate more time to baking this summer, especially as I'm going to be working selling sandwiches until September.

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You won't find a yellow banana in our house, most days, so before holiday the black ones went straight into the freezer and a banana and carrot loaf. 

I don't know why it should be like this, but I've never actually done a cream cheese topping like this. It was so easy and spread like a dream. Usually I don't get a lot of texture in my icings. They are either too runny or spread smooth like a glaze - good for somethings, but I'm all about volume! 

So I thought I'd share it with you, though - to be honest - if you do any cooking at all, you've probably already got this in your baking bible! 

Simply mix 150g cream cheese (philly - straight from the fridge) with 2 tbsp lemon curd. Go quick, but avoid over-beating, then spread straight away!

That's all for now! :D  

Watching the World Go By

You never really have visions of travelling the world until you're standing still. 

As a day-dreamer and mindless thinker, it never takes long for my mind to wander. 

I'm lying in my nan's partner's garden, looking up at this: 

A massive fir tree brimming with pinecones and a sky flushed with wispy clouds. I could be anywhere.  With the sun, the warmth, looking up into a neutral evening sky. I could be anywhere. 

When I was younger, I always dreamed that I would travel. As I visioned my life as a warden on a nature reserve, I saw Khaled setting rhinos free in Africa. 

In your childhood, the world is your mind's oyster. When you're older, it really does become what you make of it: free to explore, free to use, free to exploit. And so, as I grew up, I became afraid of losing those childhood dreams. My mind would take me anywhere in an instant, and I'd be there. In the middle of a jungle, on a beach, in the Serengeti. One minute in my room, the next abroad. I soon began to realise that if anything I dreamed of was going to happen, I would have to make it: I'd have to plan, find the money, book the time off work. Moreover, (my current fear) I would need to find a job that would give me the flexibility of travel. 

Suddenly, talking to my nan, I had an overwhelming desire to travel. Tomorrow I take my flight home. And whilst I get through plates of food without a second thought, watch films with rapt attention, take toilet stops with only the thought that I'm wasting precious TV/ reading/ sudoku time and snooze freely without concern for my poor snoring, sleep talking and dribbling habits disturbing others, I will pass countless countries. One of which is India - my promised land. 

I once heard someone remark that England is figuratively seen to many as 'the promised land'. Jobs, housing, good quality of life and a relatively safe environment put it streaks ahead of other war torn and developing areas of the world. It gives, as the nickname may suggest, a lot of hope and promise. The vision I see of India is different. 

India had such a profound mental impact on my life. I developed my soul (I felt) and experienced something so vastly different. India is my promised land for the soul. 

As a 12 year old, if I had to pick the places that I'd love to visit, India would have been one, simply because of the sheer size and population. It's like China: I pick it as a place I want to visit because it's big on the map. It stands out. 

When I write my bucket list (and yes, I have to write it multiple times a year), travel comes up quite a lot. It usually reads: 

No. 483 - live in Australia

No. 484 - visit China

No. 485 - visit Japan

There are so many more corners of the globe that I want to see not just the big, almost continental countries. But the small places as well. 

So you might have guessed, I've made another little list. 

7 countries I just HAVE to visit: 

1. The Tioman Islands 

I had never heard about these islands before about a year ago. And since then, I haven't stopped seeing them on the Internet. 

My friend went one time and she was desperate to go back. She sold it to me and I looked at photos of boats that looked like try we're floating in mid-air, the water was so clear. There are turtle rescue service there and with limited access to Internet and public transport, it sounds like a haven for me to embark on some soul rejuvenation!! :D 

2. Borneo 

Now, this is an old one. All I've ever wanted to do, since I was young, was go to Borneo and see the orang-utans. 

As a wanna-be zookeeper, I couldn't think of anything better. But even though I've grown out of those dreams, I still had that wish engrained on my mind. 

Orang-utans are my favourites! 

3. Trinidad

There's no point knowing your roots if you don't make an attempt to engage with them. 

My mum's side of the family is from Trinidad and, although it was different when I was younger, I never had a burning desire to go. But now I realise how important it would be for me to go to my place of partial origin. 

4. Canada 

I think everywhere is Canada. When I see a picture of tall 'Christmas' trees or I see one, like the one in my nan's partner's garden, I think I'm in Canada. 

It makes me feel lovely and adventurous and I feel like I ought to go to see what it's actually like! 

5. Italy

Italia! Need I say more. The food, the people, the rides on the gondolas. And it's so close! It would be silly not to go.

6. Brazil

If the national language of Brazil was Spanish, I would already have booked my year abroad! 

I got into Brazil whilst watching An Idiot Abroad. The beaches look brilliant and the style of living even better. But it's more the dual vision that does it for me. 

I know that there's horrific poverty there, interspersed with scenes of luxury - much like India. 

It's one of those places that you can't be sure if until you go. So I'd better be off there! 

7. Australia

Well, I HAD to put this one in. Everyone wants to visit Australia, right?

Love from Grandma

When I look back on my life, I judge it in stories that I can tell my grandkids. I don't know why but for a long time it's been the way in which I can judge whether I'm doing alright!

I grew up in a family where story time was of paramount importance. We would all crowd round the bed as mum read us stories together. When we went to people's houses we would make them up together - once getting sent to bed early and having story time cut short because we made one up that included poo in the storyline! Our nan would tell us stories of Bill and Ben the flowerpot men in the bath and as a Valentine's Day present to my *boyfriend* in year three, I wrote a story about us being stranded on a desert island together.

Stories are my life, and they always have been.

One of the things I love about visiting family now, is hearing all those special stories. Not just the ones that you hear countless times and become classics, but the ones that you were always too young to hear.

It's so exciting to be denied certain information and then reach a special age and be able to talk freely of scandals and weird occurrences.

So as all my elders have had stories saved up to tell us, I judge my life by the stories that I can pass on and the ones that will circulate through my grandchildrens' friendship groups at school.

I was speaking to one of my friends at work about this and she threw me the question:

"Ok, so what is your main story that you would tell them?"

I didn't know how to answer in the moment. I've had so many quick stories and snippets of information that I would tell my grandchildren. I had never really thought about what would be the best one. The be-all-and-end-all. They one that would make them feel proud to have a gran like me!

So I thought. The best one??

It may come as no surprise that I am incredibly forgetful. A customer asks me for a gift receipt and the next second I've forgotten to print it. Or I start one job and find that I've forgotten what I was doing before. 

I say that "it may come as no surprise" because I catch myself in the mirror and think: yeah, she comes across as a bit of a didtzy one. It's either that or 'quirky'. 

So when the time comes for my grandchildren to ask me: "grandma, what happened when ..." I will, in all likelihood have forgotten, if not from Alzheimer's or amnesia, from the simple fact of being myself. 

So I thought that it might be an idea to write down a few - I hope this blog will last as long as the Internet does - for my grandchildren, from Grandma. 

Here are a few things that I should tell them: 

 Hey kids, when I was your age ... 

...I Wasn't talking to my friends over the Internet. I was talking to myself. 

Yes, I always was and am still a bit of a loner. I crave time on my own, like a "chick-o-land" after a night out, and as a result - to keep the vocal chords in check - I end up talking to myself. 

One of THE most embarrassing moments of my childhood was when I was talking to one if my teddies about an Amethyst ring that I had. I was about 10. Sensing a presence behind me, I turned around to see my mum rocking in my chair and chuckling. 

I immediately covered myself by asking her what type of ring it was. But I wasn't fooling anybody.   

As a child, speaking to myself was a regular thing. But it wasn't always that I spoke to myself but sometimes just to something. 

Even now, something that I do that I've always done is say goodbye to my room when I leave. It's totally stupid but when I left my room at Uni, I whispered: "thank you." --- there it is, another weird old secret live on the Internet!! 

...I had my first job. Stopping children from drowning and fishing poo out of a swimming pool. 

Yep, as gross as it sounds! It was my first job, but my eyes couldn't be clouded with the prospect of all the money I *wasn't* earning. 

Luckily, it wasn't actually me who had to fish out the poo when a kid let rip in the pool, but it was my shift, and I was right there watching a floater squirm away from a buoyancy aid. 

I did, however, on a regular basis, end up  dodging clumps of hair, plasters and waterproof fluff as the pumps blew it around my feet.

...I appeared on TV ... speaking French. 

Just let me tell you, it was a brilliant moment (... Of comedy genius!) 

So there was me, hair all over my face, the shiest girl there ever was, taken away from the buffet behind me straight into the spotlight. 

"Jeh m'appelle Laurrraaagghhhh," I said, putting on my best French accent, which involved a lot of phlegm, I presume. (Sorry for that!)

ITV, come and get me! 

...I didn't even really know what a computer was until I was 7 and I had my first laptop 10 years later.

I remember the day we got our first computer like your wedding day. 

It was so exciting. Watching mum and dad slip in a thick cream box and screen into a cleared space in our dining room. 

It's sometimes hard to imagine that my grandchildren won't even be able to grasp the concept of a technology free world. I can barely remember those times myself! 

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This was a pretty hard post to write. There are so many points in my life when I think:

Ah, I must tell my grandkids this!  

But they're simple things like: I started a blog and that I've lived abroad. But these ones are stories that nevertheless will crop up one day or another, for your and my grandchildren's ears only. With love from Grandma xxx